A quick disclaimer,
whether you know me or you don't, heres something most haven't heard.
I am not a religious man. I do not have faith, I do not have belief.
If there truly is a god, and I am wrong, then I apoligize.
If there were such a benevolent and great and all-wonderful god that
created man, and this earth and everything for us that we have,
ESPECIALLY giving us FREE choice, then why isn't it free? Why is god so
greedy and selfish that he demands we praise his name, that we erect
temples in his honor. We spend countless dollars and hours doing this
thing, where in true religious doctrine and belief, the time would be
better spent doing his wishes, and living the way he wants us to leave.
Why not let us live as we like, be truly free, truly decisive in any
manner, without fear of hell, guilt, needing to repent so we know we
wont be enslaved in the afterlife. Why would god not let us do what he
says he allows us to do, he skews us, he alters us, his followers do
not have true, absolutely pure, choice, because we are restricted and
hesitant from him. him, what a joke, why do people capitalize it, why
do people capitalize on it, its a fucking business, its a fucking
business that runs society, that tells people how to act, under a
certain code, for if you do not, you will burn in hell after death a
far more worse punishment than anything you can possibly imagine. If
South Park is right, then I'd rather be down there than with the
fucking mormons. Fucking mormons. ya thats right, I capitalize South
Park but not god.
I've had some inspiration, this was not it, this was just a short
disclaimer that also popped into my head, a side note to my
inspiration....
Friendship, its a funny thing.
I wonder about friendship sometimes.
I often get the feeling with people that I am putting more in than they are.
Now, I don't feel like I treat it like a competition,
but I have never been able to figure out why I always seem more interested in friendship than the other person.
There are times when I just feel like, what gives?
I haven't heard from this person in months,
despite how many times I've called or emailed them.
Why is it that I always try harder to maintain/have/keep a friendship?
I often wonder if I should try less,
if I should not care about a friendship so much.
Would my friends try harder, take up the slack?
or would a lot of my friendships just die off?
Apparently I'm not willing to find out yet.
because I haven't done it.
is there such thing as being too good of a friend?
So I think I need to retitle my blog as the dream depository... Here comes another one.
If you like action movies, or even just badass guy movies, where some person overcomes all of these different odds, where it seems impossible for them to come out on top, yeah... you're gonna like this one. I woke up this morning feeling manly, feeling hardcore, I wanted to fight, because compared to what I had been through last night in my dream, NOBODY could touch me, not even Kenan, i'd've been wiping the floor with him.
The dream starts out oddly, myself as a child, I am seeing the world as if I were looking at it through a first person perspective. i am a kid, and I am sliding down this snow covered hill, its an awesome hill, tons of fun, but the hill is about 200 feet long, and it has about a 50 foot decline, and then about 20 feet after the hill levels out there are just rows and rows of trees. Not a great spot for those trees, yet we keep going down the hill anyway, having fun, and then climbing back up it, to bash into the trees. The first time I slid I wasn't going fast enough to hit the trees, so while climbing back up I was trudging through the snow and making very litttle progress, kids were sliding down twice as many times as me. so eventually I got up high enough, and slid down again. This time, I walked on the side of our slide where there was no snow (no snow on a snow covered hill, the snow was only where we were sliding.) Slid down again, and the next time climbed all the way to the top.
*warning* I cannot tell if there were some sequences of me being in a car driving through a town and then outside the town to get to this hill, I distinctly remember being in the town before this and I cannot remember why otherwise, none of it makes sense in my head, so I have some previous knowledge of the routes of this town/city (fairly large, but all low level buildings). The city is very flashy, kind of like a toned down vegas without all the casino's.
Anyway, so I was a child, but when I climb to the top of the hill, I am an adolescent, a teenager, and there are other teenagers there, just leaning against a fence, watching the little kids, and sometimes sliding down themselves. This is still a VERY rural setting, their is a farming field behind us, but directly behind us before that is a dirt and gravel road, leading back to what looks like a house behind us, and off to the left. The main road is to our right, running parallel to this hill, but perpendicular to the gravel road. There is a much taller fence behind us, about 12 feet high it seemed, where the one we were leaning on was about 4 feet high, and had a wood beam along the top to lean on. Even though there was a door right behind me to lead through the twelve foor tall fence, I decided to climb over it, despite the warnings from the other kids. Before climbing over the fence, it had been getting dark, and there was this car that was shining its lights right at us, intentionally (I don't know why) but there was also activity of about three other cars back there. So when I jumped over the fence they came back. I don't remember really talking to the people, but I got in the truck and went with them to what I thought was this house.
Well, it was really a restaurant, and I just got a job. Its a little mom and pop run type of place, but they have several definetly non mom or pop people. So after working for a while, I get to talking with my co-workers and my bosses. I've been chatting with them a bit about company policy and some other odd stuff, and they decide to let me in on this shady business going on in the back. There is some type of drug dealing or otherwise illegal activity that I never really found out what it was, but it was highly guarded, protected, and secretive. So I got in my bosses car, with Nick and Jess sitting in the back. I don't know if Nick and Jess were working with me, or if they were other adolescents on the fence, but all of a sudden they were there, riding in the car with us to the back. So it was this one boss that was already involved, and us three new people that had never seen any of this before.
So you might be saying to yourself, "What the fuck, he promised us hardcore and this definetly doesn't seem like hardcore so far, this seems like pansy-ass shit!"
Well here it comes.
Driving along this back of the back dirt road, seeing tons of guys (mixed races, mostly non-white) all working, very non-descript activities that I couldn't really Identify. We pull up to this house with this guy standing out front with some type of fully loaded automatic machine gun. The boss has me roll down my window and talk to the guy. Apparently there has been some type of change in organization, and this 'boss' was not only no longer boss, but he was considered as good as dead. Before we even realized it, this guy was unloading a full clip into us, into this car. It was brutal, it had so much gore and horror that I cringed, I still cringe. Not only did I take 11 bullets, 7 or so of which all going into my left leg after going through the door of the car. Enough going into Jess and Nick to kill them both, and some making it past me to hit the driver. I felt the physical change in my body. Pain everywhere, my breathing changed, my movements changed. I was going to slowly die, I was pretty much already dead, done for. Thats what went through my head. Somehow Nick was dead nearly instantly, but Jess wasn't. Her last dying words to me were some of the saddest things I had ever heard. I doesn't even matter what they were, its one of those last-dying-words-of-huge-significance-and-meaning scenes, it was sad, tragic, and beautiful all at the same time. I was the last thing I heard. And then I believed I was dead.
But something rose up within me, it wouldn't let me die, my time wasn't now, nothing about me was going to quit. After the quick panic of the shooting, Jess's dying words, and me thinking I'm dead. I realized I actually wasn't dead, and I was just hurt, wounded, injured, but alive. The stinging pain angered me, the dying words of Jess angered me, someone had killed two of my closest friends. I jolted the drive out of shock, as I had taken most of the bullets, he had only minor injuries comparatively and was able to drive off. This all occured in the time it took for the shooter to run in, get another clip of bullets, and load it, and before he could come back out, we were driving off.
Careening through the town, speeding to save our lives, trying to get to the hospital, that was our sole goal. Wouldn't you guess it, we ran into a traffic jam. I'm sitting there with eleven bullets in me, AND THERE IS A FUCKING TRAFFIC JAM, (even on a regular basis you there are a couple things that really piss me off about driving. 1. bad drivers. 2. red lights. and brake lightes on peoples cars, also red. and 3. TRAFFIC!!!) So I was thoroughly pissed off. So I got out of the car and started yelling at the Police officer that was nearby. Litterally nearly screaming how there were two dead people in the back of this car, and we had to get some medical help to myself and the other guy immediately. The guy looked at me dumbfounded, he had never seen a man with 11 bullets in him walking before. He put in a car for help, but his car was stuck and he couldn't move. Another lady nearby yelled to the policeman said that she worked at the hospital and she could run me there as she was on her way to work and knew a way there around the traffic jam. so the policeman helped me over to her car (some kind of mid-sized suv like a four runner) and they both got me into the back/trunk area. I was getting squished between the back seats and them trying to close the door, for some reason, it was very difficult as they had to move most of my limbs for me in getting me to fit, and as soon as the two of them get me in there, we take off. Apparently the driver went with the cop. I don't really know what happened, maybe the underground network that shot us caught up to him and killed him. As for me, my fate looked to be far worse than death.
This lady starts driving and I go unconscious because this is the first time I feel safe and can relax after being in a great state of shock. I wake up and somehow manage to climb over the back seat to realize where we were, and that we were not on our way to the hospital. I said "Hey this isn't the way to the hospital!" and she replied something about how she worked for the same organization and she was 'planted' at the traffic jam to intercept me getting to the hospital and she was going to kill me. Well was I just gonna sit around and let this happen, FUCK NO! after all of the shit I had been through already and survived, this ruthless bitch wasn't going to kill me. She was driving me out to a remote location to kill me. So I mustered up all of the strength that I had, and I started pushing her head against the driver side window with my right leg. She was fighting back but not too hard, because she was driving on the freeway as well. I got her head well pressed up against the window, and then started letting a little space come back, letting her head away form the window, so I could repeatedly extend my leg fully, and bash her fucking skull against the glass. then she really started fighting back, she punched my left leg where the seven bullets were, obviously that hurt like all hell. I had to use my hands, although my right arm nearly usuless, torn by bullets, I had to punch with my left hand, and control her by her hair or limbs, and then be kicking her with my right leg. this fearsome struggle left the car to smash into the barrier in the middle of the free, slowly causing the car to come to a stop; but not before sending her through the side window, out onto the concrete, and sent me, smashing against the front windshield, causing it to do that spiderweb-looking cracking effect, and left me lying inside the car.
Came back to consciousness yet again, got out of the car. For some reason there was no one around, no cars when we were driving on the freeway, and no cars there now, not even a policeman behind this accident. So I got out, and found this lady lying on the pavement still alive, but struggling to keep that life in her. I got a couple good blows in, not that it was much use besides venting my anger, got back in the car, and backed up a ways so I could drive over the bitch's corpse before driving off. I set my course back to that fucking hospital and there wasn't nothin gonna stop my this time, flooring down the freeway, back into town, still losing some blood, still in excrutiating pain, flying down at about 120, or as fast as this car could go. Got back into town, and got to the hospital this time, traffic jam free. After the encounter with the bitch, I knew that the underground force was going to have more than one precaution to make sure that I was dead, by this time, I was sure the ex-boss I was with met his maker. I knew their next easy place to cut me off was at the hospital, so I couldn't just waltz into the emergency room expecting nothing, and there was no way I was going to make it to another town (like in this universe, this was the only town, and there was only one hospital). So I didn't go into the emergency room entrance, didn't go into the front door entrance, but I went in through the employee door. I had to get some help or I too was done for soon. I went into where they check in, snuck past the main entrance, and found a counter where a man was talking to a woman. I just yelled out, excuse me i've got eleven fucking bullets in me and I need some help. And the guy replies "that's impossible, you couldn't be alive or standing now. So I just pulled up my pants to show him the area around my thigh and knee, where seven of the bullets were concentrated and protruding through the skin. Apparently, the reason I was able to still be alive now, is when I was getting shot, the bullets had to go through the door of the car first to hit me, this caused them to slow down enough so when they went into the flesh and muscle, they couldn't break the bone, or go all the way through, so there were 7 entry wounds on my leg, and you could still see the bullets part way in there by looking, but there were no exit wound. 11 entry wounds, no exit wounds; I had 11 bullets lodged in my body. The hospital worker just responded with shock and rushed to get three doctors to help me right away. So I got past the killer at the hospital, but I knew they were still there, and now I knew they knew that I was there, and that meant that they were coming for me. So I was finally sitting there, laying in a bed, with some hardcore drugs in me, nothing making me sedated, but definite morphine, as well as a blood IV to make up for all of what was lost. The operation was a blurr up until that point, of waking up there, fairly safe, with more stitches then fucking frankenstein, and just thinking, I know they are coming for me. And without fail, in they come. Somehow I recognized one of them as the man who was put at the hospital to kill me, he came in with his boss, and his right hand man. They just started talking to me, like "You didn't really think you could get away did you? I'm quite impressed that you killed our agent in the process, but we just can't let you live. What were you thinking getting involved? We can't let you expose us." I know its coming, a knife, a silenced gun, a needle or something. I knew I couldn't take on all three of them, especially in that condition.
So what happens? My savior enters the room, and SHE doesn't just enter the room, she comes in with a flying kick, knocking the killer out cold instantly. And there were two, I grabbed one of the tools next to me, Thrust it with all my might into the hand of the distracted boss, it went through his hand, and partway into the arm rest that he had his hand on. I then kicked him away, ripping this scalpel like knife through the rest of his hand, and it came out through his joints. The scream of agony was fullfilling. The other man turned to face my savior KUMIKO!!!! who was already pulling off the most amazing martial arts moves I had ever seen against this goliath of a right-hand man. I purposefully pulled myself out of my bed, dragged the IV's with me, and crawled over to the boss, clenching his hand on the floor, bleeding everywhere. I extracted my revenge. Pulled myself on top of him, and after a couple good hits, choked him to death with my left hand. I don't think I had ever had more rage, then that clenched fist, it felt as if my hand were going to break with the tension.
And then I woke up.
