What a night, I saw SLC punk for the first time friday, the movie really makes you think, I'm sure I'll watch it a few more times. Its almost a reality check, but one you don't want to believe. It puts a damper on your beliefs, and then you find out whether they are true or not, and you realize your naive flaw and change them.
Then, last night was the real thing that messed up my mind. I don't feel like I dwell on things, but I don't think about things, especially the ones that are important.
Red and I talked, argued, there were tears, high emotions, tension, stress, explaining, trying to find the reasons, where things went wrong. At some point, they have gone wrong, and from my perspective, there is more than one point. I never really could figure out what lead to the doom of relationships. Hell, this one seems to be the most clear, and yet still so blurry. It was very painful, although I was not brought to tears. I was called, and sometimes felt like I psychiatrist talking to her, asking questions just trying to find out why... It was one of the most odd experiences I've had in some time, just the process in which things happened. I know there are some things that will never be the same, I think its better that way. Its so odd to come to that realization, its a surreal notion, or maybe I just wish this wasn't the path I was going down so it wouldn't be real.
I needed to not be with her for a while, just think, let myself become unattached so I could get a new perspective, look at things a new way. She wanted me to go out and enjoy myself, almost impossible after that, but hey, I'm not one to wallow in sorrow purposely, I know its going to happen anyway, so why try for it? So I went where I had originally made plans to go, picked up friends (as usual I am the responsible one and the designated driver) and went out to the infamous commercial house. I had friends there, greeted me warmly at the steps of the house, one already knew what had happened, hes an amazing guy, Thank you. He was more helpful than anything else that night. Watched a bunch of drunk people, which I love to do, but would like to participate more often, it just takes me so much to get drunk or buzzed and the afteraffects always suck. Anyway, saw the band, minus my friend, who couldn't play he was so drunk, and at one point I left to go get food, since the "talk" and proceeds lasted near 3 hours, I had not eaten, so I went out to the also infamous muchas gracias mexican food, picked up another friend, and then on my re-arrival many more people had shown up. (Red is a part of the theatre), and there were many theatre people in the front as well, and people were asking me where she was. I felt like, am I her keeper, she is not mine, she is no ones, nor is anyone, no one can be owned or kept by anyone else. She was at the party and they didn't even know it, I came to find that out fast. There went the unattachment for new perspective. It was probably the hardest thing all night to see her there, I felt like all I wanted was some space, as that had been one of the things I had been lacking recently, and I was rejected. I just could not act like nothing happened, although it seemed like she could. I am not a mean person, I could not push her away, I could not ask her to stop, tell her that I did not want the way she was acting around me, and as the night went on, she got drunk, as is normal at parties because it is easy for her, and she loves the feeling; I place no blame.. I shuttled 3 carfuls of drunk people back, being the kind person I am (all I want is for people to do the same for me if I was drunk) and that was the end of the night. Sleep brought on dreams, fortunately much better than reality.  ¶ 1:43 PM

  Thoughts just keep coming, about everything, they always have, they always will.
but when I get bored in class recently I keep thinking about one thing, I've begun to write them down. Its amazing how passionate i've become over this hobby (yes I am a nerd). It is computers, but this has become an odd hobby of design. To the unfamiliar it makes no sense, my fellow nerds call it "case-modding". Today was the first time I wrote down all of the ideas I have had, the total came to 21, this is beyond the basics of simply installing the pieces I already purchased. Its like rebuilding a car to me, something of that magnitude, or maybe you could think of it as just a really flashy custom paint job, can't wait to see it when its finished, maybe ill find a way to post pics...  ¶ 6:49 PM

  It's been a while since a song has been so moving
It's been done by quite a few artists: John Cale, Jeff Buckley, Leonard Cohen, Rufus Wainwright.
Hallelujah  ¶ 6:39 PM

  The Ring of Gyges, its a test, you are able to become invisible. What would you do with that sort of power? You can get away with whatever you want. Where do your curiousities lead you, do you wonder what it is like to kill a man, to be somewhere you aren't supposed to, or just walk around naked all day? The test shows how people really are, what they are really like, can you see yourself in this scenario from an objective position?
What would you do?  ¶ 6:53 PM

  Article I, section 8, clause 18 grants the national government power "to make all Laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into execution its enumerated powers." Basically the national government can do anything it deems necessary to fulfill its role and do its duties.

However, Amendment 10 in the U.S. Bill of Rights states that "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people."

Does this seem like a fairly obvious contradiction to anyone else? These documents, which became law at the same time clearly give both the states and the national government unlimited power in overlapping areas, where these areas are supposed to be a one or the other, but not both.

Another example of our contradictory government thanks to James Madison and Federalist 10 is that the basic idea behind this paper is that the founding of factions is inevitable in any system where freedom of thought is allowed, because people will tend to have different opinions on things. Our system would not allow our liberty to go away, and did not think they could make all people think the same. So they tried to come up with a system that allowed for these factions to be a part of our government but still get issues passed. How? one might ask, by pitting the two sides against each other, you could look at it now as republicans versus democrats and back then it was a little different, but still the basic idea of creating the government, by having these two groups of people with different ideas fight it out to decide what goes into effect in our nation and what is not. Two disagreeing groups fighting over issues does not seem like my idea of a good government, or one that is very effective.

I won't be the first one to say WE NEED A NEW FORM OF GOVERNMENT, hell its even written in the constitution that if this one doesn't work out, then it is our civic duty to make another one. The articles of confederation were done away with because they had financial problems with that form of government and they couldn't raise an army to fight quickly. We are four trillion dollars in debt right now, is that not a financial problem enough? The lowering voter turn out, protests, flag burning, the way Bush especially has been running this government, (why are we giving 3 billion in taxes back to the richest 5% of the population?) are all reasons that should be pointing toward the fact that our government is not working. The world is turning on us, we are the target of "terrorist" attacks, which are only called so to scare us, we are controlled by fear. Our past treaties are having their foundations shaken, countries are getting pissed at us, plenty of other people have nuclear weapons, allies are turning their backs on us, and I don't blame them. Call me an extremist or whatever you want, but its time for a change.  ¶ 8:45 PM

  My first post, how to commemorate my brand new online journal, shall I keep the anonymity of my identity, or make myself publicly known and easily accessible, to anyone who reads this. I am Nate Allenby, my email is ndallenby4@hotmail.com , my AIM is Nate102183.
Just to get a post in, here is my aim profile.

I've had no profile for I've lacked a profound quote or a self-definition for the world to identify me by.

I am ideals, beliefs, theories, visions of happiness, beauty, meaning, making the world a better place, against everything that brings it down.

on truly living..
People don't need enormous cars, they need respect. They don't need closets full of clothes, they need to feel attractive and they need excitement and variety and beauty. People don't need electronic equipment; they need something worthwhile to do with their lives. People need identity, community, challenge, acknowledgement, love, and joy. To try and fill these needs with material things is to set up an unquenchable appetite for false solutions to real and never-satisfied problems. The resulting psychological emptiness is one of the major forces behind the desire for material growth.
Donella Meadows - Beyond the Limits

This is a strong definition of me, I will post a lot of things here about my discontent with the state of the world, and other such topics.  ¶ 3:22 PM